I am done. I am defeated. Finished and in utter despair. Life seems like a waste, a failure on every level and magnitude. Disappointment to everyone who I hold dear and who held me dear. I thought using religion was my salvation but that is not the case. I have failed my self in believeing that a person like  me could be salvaged from the disasters of life. wish I could disappear and be nothing. I could avoid these expectations and demands. But I cannot. I cannot go anywhere. All I can be is what I am at this point. A disappointment